I need to get in shape

      This blog is slightly different then my usual ones. Usually I try to write about very big, very meaning flu topics. But today I'm going to discuss getting healthy. Have no fear this is not an inspiring story of wanting to get healthy and run a marathon, it is not a low self-esteem pity party, it is not about preventing disease, and it has nothing to do with molding to society's views of how I should look. This is a realization of why I need to be healthier and take care of my body.

      I typically aspire to loose weight, as do most women, but I never really stick to a plan or work very hard. I'm mostly too busy to work hard at loosing weight. I do not particularly like my weight but I do not care to become model skinny and I refuse to be influenced by medias pressures to conform to a look that is simply not me. I have attempted many work out and diet plans, usually so that I will look better, feel better, decrease stress or whatever else they are planned for. But I usually set the bar to high and fail myself and stop trying. I've started to realize that I might be doing it for all the wrong reasons. First off we are supposed to be working at everything we do as if we are working for God. Which I have not been doing so that might have something to do with my failure. Second I've realized two reasons (these are not exclusive) why I need to get healthy, and they are for God.

    First: I need to love myself the way God loves me. Now this means I should change my expectations and view of myself so I may love myself as I am. But sometimes this also means changing myself a little to meet my expectations of myself. Keeping in mind to have reasonable expectations and loving the things that can't change of course. I do not particularly like who I am when I'm not treating my body right. I don't like that I get so grumpy when I don't sleep, or don't eat regularly. I don't like how I feel when I eat left over cookies for breakfast and pizza for dinner. I don't like how I look or feel when I don't work out, or at least get outside. So this means I need to change myself a little so I can love myself more like God loves me.

    Second (and more important): My body is a temple. A temple is a place dedicated to worship. It is also a place traditionally where God dwells. So if God is dwelling in me then why the crap am I treating myself so horribly. If the president was going to come and stay in my house I sure as heck would not be leaving it alone. I would be cleaning and fixing and remodeling and rearranging to make prefect living quarters for the president. God is not only the king of the entire universe, but he made it, and us, and loves us and died for us. And he is going to come and live in me. First off that is crazy awesome. Second I need to fix up these living quarters. Plus we are a place for worship. Worship is a way of life and we need to be healthy for that. This means being mentally healthy and stable. This means me sleeping enough so I can be kind to people share Gods love. This means eating enough so I have the strength and energy to do his work. This means eating right and exercising to make me feel good enough to do work for him. This means taking care of me.

    This is not to say that I am going to go out and run a marathon at 6 AM and go to be at 9 every night. It just means that I need to make small adjustments to be healthy. Like going to bed earlier, going out for walks, eating more salads and less cheese, etc. I need to respect and take care of what God has given me, take care of where God is dwelling, and take care of God's tool. 

6th anniversary

         So I'm sitting at the warehouse right now, listening to my beautiful church rehearse and watching a flashback of how we grew as a church. It's so weird to think that I started going to church 6 years ago. It's weird to think about how the church has changed, and how the people have changed, and how I have changed in the past 6 years. It's such a short amount of time but its so long at the same time. So much has happened, my life has changed one hundred percent. Journey has become a significant part of who I am and what I do. But I feel like I just started attending here. I could make the argument that I left church for a while and that's why it feels like a short amount of time. But I came back to church 4 years ago. I've been serving with the children for 4 years. Attending Journey Students and now Journey College group for 4 whole years. I'm a complete part of Journey as Journey is a complete part of me. Which is weird to say. Because Journey Church is not the building we worship in it is the people who have attended here, who do attend here. And I'm a part of them. And they are a part of me.
      Now I sound like an Avatar movie, or Pocahontas maybe. Saying we're all a part of each other. But it's true. We are all a part of the church. The global church. As christians we all have that in common. We are a part of the bride of Christ together. Its like when you see a car with a logo of your favorite team on it, you fee like you have some crazy secret bond with that person. But its different. When you meet another believer have a deeply rooted bond with that person. You know you will hang out with that person in heaven one day and that you can be comfortable about your faith with that person. And more than that, the exact same Holy Spirt that lives in your heart, lives in their heart. That is a supernatural bond. So every Christ Follower is a part of me and I am a part of them because Christ a part of us.
      Thinking of that and of the people who have walked with me on my journey these past 6 years and continue to walk with me on my journey makes my heart stir. Today we're remembering who we are and and who we were. We're remembering where we are going and who connects us. Not that things have always been good. We have as much drama as any other relationship based setting. But we try to forgive and forget. Because God forgives and forgets. Because God has gotten us here. He works in us to make our church successful to bring Himself glory.
     So I'm posting this to thank God for what He has done with our church. What He has done with our lives. And I'm posting this to commend all the people who have given their lives to make our church a success. And to encourage everyone who ever encouraged me on my walk. Because I know all those people would feel blessed to know that their work at Journey has changed my life.
     

character

        First off, I am horrible at keeping my commitments to this blog. And as my readers I gave you full right to call me out on my lack of blogging. But alas I have not blogged, and I must. I want to keep my promise to myself, just like Horton the elephant. But good news! I can use my blog for school credit because I've been writing about a lot of emerson's concepts. So to stick with that theme, I wanted to write about character. (which is an emerson piece)
          So Emerson wrote this essay called Character. Which is basically a commentary on who you are innately, how you come to be who you are, what makes you who you are, and what you do with that. He plays off of a lot of his other ideas. He writes about how we have a character about us that is guided by nature (which I basically translate as God). A lot of what he says he walking in circles (haha, get it... like emerson's other essay...  #emersonjoke #nerdhumor) but I love one of his quotes "new actions are only apologies and explanations of old ones." I like it because first it brings up the idea that "action speaks louder than words" and then it basically says that you can't remake a first impression.
        The quote makes you think about your actions, your initial actions. How you act around people and how you present yourself shapes the perspective of how people will view you forever. This is from the very beginning of a relationship with someone. And every other action following the first impression is a  explanation, or apology of the first impression. And no matter who you really are, if you present yourself a certain way you will be viewed with that presentation in mind forever. This is pivotal for christians.
       As followers of Jesus we wear his name wherever we go. Plus we are supposed to be attracting people to us so we can have an opportunity to witness to them. So if we get caught on a bad day when we are cussing out traffic and avoiding people and being generally grumpy and impatient then people will not only view you through a 'miserable grump' framework. Then they will view all christians with that frame work. And then how will that person ever believe that Jesus is the way to peace? He/she will forever believe that all christians fake joy and are truly miserable. and likewise for overly pushy christians. If  a christian is shoving the gospel down others throats then society will forever expect that from christians everywhere. Situations like this make it very hard for Christians to build a positive reputation. Christians with the right character making the right impressions is still explaining and apologizing for the actions of other christians. Which puts each of us under extreme scrutiny.
      So where does that leave us, right? We are forever stuck with the reputations of other christians but we have the carry Jesus' name well. Quite honestly that just kinda sucks for us. But sometimes you are the first and only Jesus that anyone will ever see. If you give someone a good framework for viewing christians then it will rebuild our reputation. Maybe people will stop believing the stereotypes. But we are still under scrutiny. We are sinners and we mess up, and every time we do someone is waiting to associate our sin with all christians everywhere. Which again, quite frankly, sucks. But maybe we should pull a Taylor Swift. She avoids using red solo cups because if anyone snaps a picture they will assume she is drinking. She is a role model and doesn't want to represent her character in any inappropriate way. We need to be on our best behavior at all times. That does not mean we need to wear a mask and try to pretend we are perfect, because society needs to know that christians sin too (and thats why we are christian in the first place). But we need to make an effort to show people an appropriate representation of christians.
      Beverly Carroll always says we need to wear Jesus well. Maybe thats what I'm getting at. Being christian is part of your character. And your character is shown through your actions. And your actions can never be taken back according to Emerson. Your actions build how the world sees you. So watch what you do and say, because you are representing a lot more than your character. As a christian you are at all times representing Jesus.

An elephants faithful, one hundred percent.

   I read 'Horton Hatches an Egg' today while babysitting. Its a cute story about an elephant who gets stuck in a promise to sit on a birds egg for a moment. Horton takes care of the egg for 30ish months, keeping his promise longer than expected, and eventually hatches the egg. and the whole time when he could give up caring for the abandoned egg he says basically that he is going to keep his word and care for the egg.
          and I got thinking about promises. People don't take them very seriously. People promise to keep secrets and they run off and tell the first person they see. People promise to be there but "something came up" and they bail. People promise to do chores or homework or anything really, but "they forget" or "their computer crashed" or "they just can't". When you watch children make promises you watch them pinky swear, or double swear, double dog promise (thats the big leagues right there). They try to establish trust and explain the importance of what they are saying. They know that not everyone keeps their promises. They already know not to trust everyone.
       I think that's a pivotal problem in our society. If everyone grew up knowing that promises or even just someone's word will be kept then everyone would trust a little more. If everyone kept their word, there would be a lot less hurt people out there. Employees would be more efficient, employers more trustworthy. Siblings would be better friends. Friends would be more reliable. Parents would be super heroes again. Relationships wouldn't die so easily. The concept of a promise needs to be rethought and retaught. We need to teach each other how to keep a promise by keeping every promise we make. Everyone has that responsibility. But I think parents play a huge role. If parents show their kids how to always keep a promise then children will grow up learning it. And then the children will grow up keeping their word and being more trusting.And maybe this means making fewer promises.
    That reminds me of a lesson I was taught at college group about the word 'love' and what it really means and how we use it. the word 'promise' needs to be used more carefully too. but the words 'love' and 'promise' are kind of the same. Because when you love someone you promise to deal with all their baggage and care about them and love them forever. And you would never want to break a promise to someone you love. In the message we learned about truly understanding love before committing to someone and before professing love to one another. And I think one step further is remembering the promises of love in the long run. At a wedding the bride and groom even say that they promise to be together forever. They, not only, say they love each other and promise everything that love entails but they promise to commit and love forever. People need to relearn that. People get divorced because they forget their promises to each other.
     Thats why I thought of this whole post. Because I watched a movie where a couple got divorced and the husband said "but you promised; for better or for worse." and the wife didn't even care what she promised. But what is she took promises seriously and made that her last reason to stay? We grow up knowing not to trust people and accepting that promises don't have to be kept. But what if we grew up in a world where any promise was like a 6 year old's "double dog promise." People would be more careful of what we promise. People wouldn't be hurt so much by broken promises. I think we all need to stop promising so many things that we can't do. we should write down every promise we make so we can take it seriously. especially for children.
              And I don't think we should make any promise unless we are willing to lock pinkies on it. or even *gasp* spit in our palms and shake on it. risking spity hands would certainly make us think about what we are doing before we promise anything big. or maybe we should be a little more like Horton the elephant. We should all sit on eggs in trees in the snow and rain, to hatch a half elephant, half bird baby. Or maybe not. but maybe regardless of what we get stuck promising we should live by Horton's famous quote "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, and elephants faithful, one hundred percent." But, you know, make that about humans.

     

Refocus

In college we are learning not only about Emerson, and Dickinson we are learning who we are. We are learning who we want to be, and learning what we want to do with our lives. Usually that's quite a daunting task. But as I'm learning it all I think it's time to refocus; to list what I want and what I know I don't want (which can be just as important as listing what I want). That way when someone says "what are you doing after your out of school?" I will have some sort of answer. And more importantly I will be able to set small goals to achieve that will build me in to the person I want to be one day. So..


What I know I do NOT want to do with my life
1) I do not want to be a math major
2) I do not want to go into the medical field
3) I do not want to be a girly girl
4) I no longer want to be a princess.... unless I find a prince, or just a frog in need of a smooch (but not really because..)
5) I do not want to get married (this is because...)
6) I do not want to get divorced (which is because....)
7) I don't want to to ruin a kids life because of my life.  (so I don't want to have kids)
8) I do not want a "career" so to speak
9) I do not want to be complacent. ever. with anything.
10) I do not want to be dependent on any worldly thing or person

and that will bring me to...

What do I know I want to do with my life

1) I want to travel.. a lot

2) I want to have a job to requires me to travel

3) I want to study abroad

4) I want to get a degree 

5) I want to do missions

6) I want to write a book

7) I want to learn (everything I can)

8) I want to learn about and get to know people

9) I want to teach people

10) I want to inspire people.. or more I want God to inspire them through me.

So this is what I'm starting with. It will change many times. But it's a start. 

being different

     Today in American Lit we studied Emily Dickinson. We discussed her life and how she lived her life. We talked about how she didn't get married and didn't conform to organized religion. And also about how everyone thought she was so weird. She's one of the most highly acclaimed American poets. and everyone thought she was a freak. When you think about it, every significant figure in history was viewed this way. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Galileo, Da Vinci, Columbus, Einstein, Poe, Dickinson, Darwin, Paul, King David, Jesus (and every other respected person from the bible). That's only naming a few. All of these people were criticized and ostracized for being different. But they all continued to do what they saw fit, or what God saw fit. Now when we look back into history we study these people that society hated. We admire them and try to understand them. We strive to be like them. But not really.
       You see,in present day we believe in and understand what Einstein studied and what Dickinson wrote and what every other significant person did, so we try to achieve their level of expertise. That is what society values. But when they were studying and writing they were not trying to achieve someone else's goals or study someone else's work, like we study theirs. They were not trying to  conform to societies approved goals. They were watching, and studying, and observing, and researching, and testing, and painting, and writing, and thinking, and learning. All for themselves, all about their own interests. And they didn't care about what anyone thought about it. So when we study what society believes what are we really gaining?  Shouldn't we 'march to the beat of our own drum' so to speak. To get ahead in society, shouldn't we really be renouncing society? Just like every other significant person?
       This concept is even more significant for christians. Romans 12:2 says "do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world..." and throughout the bible everything our society believes in is discouraged. "you cannot serve both God and money" (matt 6:24). "but many who are last will be first and many who are first will be last" (matt 19:30). "when I am weak then I am strong" (2 cor 12:19). "... better to be poor than a liar"(proverbs 19:22). "love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you" (matt 5:44).  All of these are against societies views. All of these things Jesus commanded for us. But we're afraid to do these things because we're afraid to be criticized. But in matt 5:10 it says "blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." So even if by some chance we are persecuted, or simply criticized, for believing in Jesus and doing what he commands then we will be blessed for it. Jesus was one of the most hated men of his time, and probably still holds that status, and we're supposed to be just like him. So why are we still conforming to what the world wants?
      Biblically we should not conform to the world even if we get criticized. We will be blessed for it. And in society and history we shouldn't conform to society's goals because not a single person recognized in history was remembered for blending in well. So why are we trying so hard to fit in? Why do women starve themselves, and men injure themselves? Why do business people steal and cheat? Why to politicians lie? Why do people go into debt? Why do people do a millions awful things that they are not comfortable with all to conform to the world? Conforming will never bring a single person glory and more importantly it will never bring glory to God. We need  to renounce everything society tells us in order to do anything of value. Do you think Paul wrote half of the new testament by conforming? He went to Jail!  Do you think Columbus discovered America because he was a conformer? It took his whole life to get there. And Dickinson, she never had a husband or friends, and she was never even published in her lifetime. But just look at her poetry. When King David defeated Goliath, was he conforming? All of his brothers were terrified of the giant, along with the rest of the army who told David not to fight goliath. And David even won by casting off all the army's suggested armor and weapons and using a sling shot. And Jesus? How about him? He was brutally beaten and murdered and crucified because he was not a conformer. and in that process he saved us from our sins. His persecution was the biggest victory in the entire world. And we are afraid to be criticized for being different?
     I think thats the greatest downfall of people. We are afraid. We are afraid of criticism. We are afraid of persecution. We are afraid to deviate. We are afraid to change. We are afraid to think. We are afraid to believe.

blog fail

Seeing as how I've been playing with the idea of writing as a profession and declaring english and journalism as my majors I've decided to be a much better blogger. Ive been a blog failure lately. and so I'm to post at least 2 blogs a week... baby steps, baby steps. and you can hold me to that! haha. but don't be brutal. so, with out further ado, let the blogger commence!