Walking

       I felt like Henry David Thoreau the other day. My friend was very upset about her situation with her family. Actually I was a little upset too. We were sitting in her car crying about just everything. And then I asked "what do you want to do." She didn't know what to do either. So I suggested we go on a walk.
       Just  long walk, with no destination. We talked and talked, our conversation following the aimlessness of our journey. I felt like Thoreau as we walked and talked aimlessly. He writes about walking aimlessly through nature. He basically says just walk, just go. Which brings a whole new meaning to everything. My walk was a literal reflection of his advice. The talk was a more figurative reflection. Our lives should reflect this advice as well. Sometimes people go through life waiting for a journey or opportunity or job or mission or command or passion or anything to happen before they start living. But we should just start walking, start living, start our journey and we will eventually find something. We should just go, and do.
       This kind of reminds me of Dr. Seuss actually. It sounds childish, but people should go back and read Dr. Seuss, his poems have so much more meaning now that we are adults. In Dr. Seuss' "Oh! The places you'll go!" he writes about the 'waiting place' (for people just waiting):
                           "Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or the plane to go or the phone to ring or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for a fish to bite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pear of pants or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting" 
      Dr. Seuss and Thoreau are right. We need to stop waiting and walk. Just find a journey, no matter how aimless that journey may be. Just go. Thoreau also says that there is a right way to walk and we often choose the wrong one. But I think the wrong path is simply picking the path that everyone else takes, which is often the life of no journey at all. I believe we need to stop waiting or blending in or being scared. We need to walk. We need to live.

sad day

     I hardly ever post and here I am posting something sad. I'm mourning a loss today and I'm mourning the sadness that is happening in Uganda.

     For anyone who reads this who doesn't know went to Uganda this summer. I was sick a lot. it was a love/hate trip. but now that I'm home I miss Uganda very much. when I get e-mails from my friends in Uganda I am so happy to know them and so sad that I can't be there. I love Uganda so much. I got to know so many people and got to love so many people. 

   As many people know US troops have been sent to Uganda. It's hitting me very hard. I can feel the pain and stress of those that I know and love. Not to mention the people who our troops are there to control thinks they are speaking in behalf of God. they are not. But many Ugandans only hear from the LRA, the Lord's resistance army, an army that steals children to become soldiers and sex slaves and perform terrorist attacks on behalf of God. Obviously God isn't really speaking to them, but Ugandan's don't always know that. And when our troops do something about it the African people may think we are killing christians. this is a mess. And I'm so scared for the safety of the friends I made there.
    Also my favorite pastor I got to know, pastor Edward, lost his wife this week. It makes me so sad. She was so young, they have so many children, they are such wonderful people and she died. The worst part? If they were in America she would not have died. This may sound like I'm questioning God's plan, like I'm mad about this loss. I am not. I trust God, and his plan. I know that he is doing things that I can't see or understand, and I trust it. But I'm so sad for them. I'm so hurt about the pain they are going through. Its hard to communicate in coherent words the emotions I'm feeling right now. I've never cried over the loss of anyone that has ever died in my lifetime, but this death makes me want to cry all day. I'm so sad for everyone in my Uganda.
   I'm longing to go back there. I miss everyone in Uganda so much. I love them. They are on my mind non-stop today. I'm praying for them all day. 

I need to get in shape

      This blog is slightly different then my usual ones. Usually I try to write about very big, very meaning flu topics. But today I'm going to discuss getting healthy. Have no fear this is not an inspiring story of wanting to get healthy and run a marathon, it is not a low self-esteem pity party, it is not about preventing disease, and it has nothing to do with molding to society's views of how I should look. This is a realization of why I need to be healthier and take care of my body.

      I typically aspire to loose weight, as do most women, but I never really stick to a plan or work very hard. I'm mostly too busy to work hard at loosing weight. I do not particularly like my weight but I do not care to become model skinny and I refuse to be influenced by medias pressures to conform to a look that is simply not me. I have attempted many work out and diet plans, usually so that I will look better, feel better, decrease stress or whatever else they are planned for. But I usually set the bar to high and fail myself and stop trying. I've started to realize that I might be doing it for all the wrong reasons. First off we are supposed to be working at everything we do as if we are working for God. Which I have not been doing so that might have something to do with my failure. Second I've realized two reasons (these are not exclusive) why I need to get healthy, and they are for God.

    First: I need to love myself the way God loves me. Now this means I should change my expectations and view of myself so I may love myself as I am. But sometimes this also means changing myself a little to meet my expectations of myself. Keeping in mind to have reasonable expectations and loving the things that can't change of course. I do not particularly like who I am when I'm not treating my body right. I don't like that I get so grumpy when I don't sleep, or don't eat regularly. I don't like how I feel when I eat left over cookies for breakfast and pizza for dinner. I don't like how I look or feel when I don't work out, or at least get outside. So this means I need to change myself a little so I can love myself more like God loves me.

    Second (and more important): My body is a temple. A temple is a place dedicated to worship. It is also a place traditionally where God dwells. So if God is dwelling in me then why the crap am I treating myself so horribly. If the president was going to come and stay in my house I sure as heck would not be leaving it alone. I would be cleaning and fixing and remodeling and rearranging to make prefect living quarters for the president. God is not only the king of the entire universe, but he made it, and us, and loves us and died for us. And he is going to come and live in me. First off that is crazy awesome. Second I need to fix up these living quarters. Plus we are a place for worship. Worship is a way of life and we need to be healthy for that. This means being mentally healthy and stable. This means me sleeping enough so I can be kind to people share Gods love. This means eating enough so I have the strength and energy to do his work. This means eating right and exercising to make me feel good enough to do work for him. This means taking care of me.

    This is not to say that I am going to go out and run a marathon at 6 AM and go to be at 9 every night. It just means that I need to make small adjustments to be healthy. Like going to bed earlier, going out for walks, eating more salads and less cheese, etc. I need to respect and take care of what God has given me, take care of where God is dwelling, and take care of God's tool. 

6th anniversary

         So I'm sitting at the warehouse right now, listening to my beautiful church rehearse and watching a flashback of how we grew as a church. It's so weird to think that I started going to church 6 years ago. It's weird to think about how the church has changed, and how the people have changed, and how I have changed in the past 6 years. It's such a short amount of time but its so long at the same time. So much has happened, my life has changed one hundred percent. Journey has become a significant part of who I am and what I do. But I feel like I just started attending here. I could make the argument that I left church for a while and that's why it feels like a short amount of time. But I came back to church 4 years ago. I've been serving with the children for 4 years. Attending Journey Students and now Journey College group for 4 whole years. I'm a complete part of Journey as Journey is a complete part of me. Which is weird to say. Because Journey Church is not the building we worship in it is the people who have attended here, who do attend here. And I'm a part of them. And they are a part of me.
      Now I sound like an Avatar movie, or Pocahontas maybe. Saying we're all a part of each other. But it's true. We are all a part of the church. The global church. As christians we all have that in common. We are a part of the bride of Christ together. Its like when you see a car with a logo of your favorite team on it, you fee like you have some crazy secret bond with that person. But its different. When you meet another believer have a deeply rooted bond with that person. You know you will hang out with that person in heaven one day and that you can be comfortable about your faith with that person. And more than that, the exact same Holy Spirt that lives in your heart, lives in their heart. That is a supernatural bond. So every Christ Follower is a part of me and I am a part of them because Christ a part of us.
      Thinking of that and of the people who have walked with me on my journey these past 6 years and continue to walk with me on my journey makes my heart stir. Today we're remembering who we are and and who we were. We're remembering where we are going and who connects us. Not that things have always been good. We have as much drama as any other relationship based setting. But we try to forgive and forget. Because God forgives and forgets. Because God has gotten us here. He works in us to make our church successful to bring Himself glory.
     So I'm posting this to thank God for what He has done with our church. What He has done with our lives. And I'm posting this to commend all the people who have given their lives to make our church a success. And to encourage everyone who ever encouraged me on my walk. Because I know all those people would feel blessed to know that their work at Journey has changed my life.
     

character

        First off, I am horrible at keeping my commitments to this blog. And as my readers I gave you full right to call me out on my lack of blogging. But alas I have not blogged, and I must. I want to keep my promise to myself, just like Horton the elephant. But good news! I can use my blog for school credit because I've been writing about a lot of emerson's concepts. So to stick with that theme, I wanted to write about character. (which is an emerson piece)
          So Emerson wrote this essay called Character. Which is basically a commentary on who you are innately, how you come to be who you are, what makes you who you are, and what you do with that. He plays off of a lot of his other ideas. He writes about how we have a character about us that is guided by nature (which I basically translate as God). A lot of what he says he walking in circles (haha, get it... like emerson's other essay...  #emersonjoke #nerdhumor) but I love one of his quotes "new actions are only apologies and explanations of old ones." I like it because first it brings up the idea that "action speaks louder than words" and then it basically says that you can't remake a first impression.
        The quote makes you think about your actions, your initial actions. How you act around people and how you present yourself shapes the perspective of how people will view you forever. This is from the very beginning of a relationship with someone. And every other action following the first impression is a  explanation, or apology of the first impression. And no matter who you really are, if you present yourself a certain way you will be viewed with that presentation in mind forever. This is pivotal for christians.
       As followers of Jesus we wear his name wherever we go. Plus we are supposed to be attracting people to us so we can have an opportunity to witness to them. So if we get caught on a bad day when we are cussing out traffic and avoiding people and being generally grumpy and impatient then people will not only view you through a 'miserable grump' framework. Then they will view all christians with that frame work. And then how will that person ever believe that Jesus is the way to peace? He/she will forever believe that all christians fake joy and are truly miserable. and likewise for overly pushy christians. If  a christian is shoving the gospel down others throats then society will forever expect that from christians everywhere. Situations like this make it very hard for Christians to build a positive reputation. Christians with the right character making the right impressions is still explaining and apologizing for the actions of other christians. Which puts each of us under extreme scrutiny.
      So where does that leave us, right? We are forever stuck with the reputations of other christians but we have the carry Jesus' name well. Quite honestly that just kinda sucks for us. But sometimes you are the first and only Jesus that anyone will ever see. If you give someone a good framework for viewing christians then it will rebuild our reputation. Maybe people will stop believing the stereotypes. But we are still under scrutiny. We are sinners and we mess up, and every time we do someone is waiting to associate our sin with all christians everywhere. Which again, quite frankly, sucks. But maybe we should pull a Taylor Swift. She avoids using red solo cups because if anyone snaps a picture they will assume she is drinking. She is a role model and doesn't want to represent her character in any inappropriate way. We need to be on our best behavior at all times. That does not mean we need to wear a mask and try to pretend we are perfect, because society needs to know that christians sin too (and thats why we are christian in the first place). But we need to make an effort to show people an appropriate representation of christians.
      Beverly Carroll always says we need to wear Jesus well. Maybe thats what I'm getting at. Being christian is part of your character. And your character is shown through your actions. And your actions can never be taken back according to Emerson. Your actions build how the world sees you. So watch what you do and say, because you are representing a lot more than your character. As a christian you are at all times representing Jesus.

An elephants faithful, one hundred percent.

   I read 'Horton Hatches an Egg' today while babysitting. Its a cute story about an elephant who gets stuck in a promise to sit on a birds egg for a moment. Horton takes care of the egg for 30ish months, keeping his promise longer than expected, and eventually hatches the egg. and the whole time when he could give up caring for the abandoned egg he says basically that he is going to keep his word and care for the egg.
          and I got thinking about promises. People don't take them very seriously. People promise to keep secrets and they run off and tell the first person they see. People promise to be there but "something came up" and they bail. People promise to do chores or homework or anything really, but "they forget" or "their computer crashed" or "they just can't". When you watch children make promises you watch them pinky swear, or double swear, double dog promise (thats the big leagues right there). They try to establish trust and explain the importance of what they are saying. They know that not everyone keeps their promises. They already know not to trust everyone.
       I think that's a pivotal problem in our society. If everyone grew up knowing that promises or even just someone's word will be kept then everyone would trust a little more. If everyone kept their word, there would be a lot less hurt people out there. Employees would be more efficient, employers more trustworthy. Siblings would be better friends. Friends would be more reliable. Parents would be super heroes again. Relationships wouldn't die so easily. The concept of a promise needs to be rethought and retaught. We need to teach each other how to keep a promise by keeping every promise we make. Everyone has that responsibility. But I think parents play a huge role. If parents show their kids how to always keep a promise then children will grow up learning it. And then the children will grow up keeping their word and being more trusting.And maybe this means making fewer promises.
    That reminds me of a lesson I was taught at college group about the word 'love' and what it really means and how we use it. the word 'promise' needs to be used more carefully too. but the words 'love' and 'promise' are kind of the same. Because when you love someone you promise to deal with all their baggage and care about them and love them forever. And you would never want to break a promise to someone you love. In the message we learned about truly understanding love before committing to someone and before professing love to one another. And I think one step further is remembering the promises of love in the long run. At a wedding the bride and groom even say that they promise to be together forever. They, not only, say they love each other and promise everything that love entails but they promise to commit and love forever. People need to relearn that. People get divorced because they forget their promises to each other.
     Thats why I thought of this whole post. Because I watched a movie where a couple got divorced and the husband said "but you promised; for better or for worse." and the wife didn't even care what she promised. But what is she took promises seriously and made that her last reason to stay? We grow up knowing not to trust people and accepting that promises don't have to be kept. But what if we grew up in a world where any promise was like a 6 year old's "double dog promise." People would be more careful of what we promise. People wouldn't be hurt so much by broken promises. I think we all need to stop promising so many things that we can't do. we should write down every promise we make so we can take it seriously. especially for children.
              And I don't think we should make any promise unless we are willing to lock pinkies on it. or even *gasp* spit in our palms and shake on it. risking spity hands would certainly make us think about what we are doing before we promise anything big. or maybe we should be a little more like Horton the elephant. We should all sit on eggs in trees in the snow and rain, to hatch a half elephant, half bird baby. Or maybe not. but maybe regardless of what we get stuck promising we should live by Horton's famous quote "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, and elephants faithful, one hundred percent." But, you know, make that about humans.

     

Refocus

In college we are learning not only about Emerson, and Dickinson we are learning who we are. We are learning who we want to be, and learning what we want to do with our lives. Usually that's quite a daunting task. But as I'm learning it all I think it's time to refocus; to list what I want and what I know I don't want (which can be just as important as listing what I want). That way when someone says "what are you doing after your out of school?" I will have some sort of answer. And more importantly I will be able to set small goals to achieve that will build me in to the person I want to be one day. So..


What I know I do NOT want to do with my life
1) I do not want to be a math major
2) I do not want to go into the medical field
3) I do not want to be a girly girl
4) I no longer want to be a princess.... unless I find a prince, or just a frog in need of a smooch (but not really because..)
5) I do not want to get married (this is because...)
6) I do not want to get divorced (which is because....)
7) I don't want to to ruin a kids life because of my life.  (so I don't want to have kids)
8) I do not want a "career" so to speak
9) I do not want to be complacent. ever. with anything.
10) I do not want to be dependent on any worldly thing or person

and that will bring me to...

What do I know I want to do with my life

1) I want to travel.. a lot

2) I want to have a job to requires me to travel

3) I want to study abroad

4) I want to get a degree 

5) I want to do missions

6) I want to write a book

7) I want to learn (everything I can)

8) I want to learn about and get to know people

9) I want to teach people

10) I want to inspire people.. or more I want God to inspire them through me.

So this is what I'm starting with. It will change many times. But it's a start.